MOMENTS WITH GOD THROUGH OUR KIDS
Something that I find so interesting over and over again is how God uses our chaotic lives as moms, and teaches us even more about Himself and just how much He loves us. Because, as moms, it can be difficult to have a set schedule for your quiet time between the: late night wake ups, early morning bed bounces, interruptions for snacks or kisses or questions, and the necessary things you do continuously to keep your children alive and fed and educated and loved. Some days, it can be difficult to even think the words “bible study” much less actually be able to sit down and do it. But God sees us. He sees us praying as we get those tasks done, wrangling our kids to church again and again even though we get nothing from it ourselves some days, yearning for a deeper connection amidst all the chaos and doing what small things we can, when we can. He sees us, loves us, and teaches us right where we are sometimes.
The other day, as we were working on the end of our school work for the day, my son and I had a bit of a struggle. I had just spent the last 2 minutes explaining what directions he had to follow and answered a few questions about those directions and told him to work. I sent him to his spot on the couch and before he even sat down, he had another question. This time, I cut it off before he got the first word out and said “If you read the first sentence, it will all make sense. If you have questions after you read the first sentence, then you can ask me but I want you to get that step done first.” Boy oh boy did he struggle with this.
He is one that struggles with just letting a thought or question go once it’s on his mind, so often we just let him ask or say what it is and then go on from there. Sometimes though, both now as a child and as he grows up in life, he needs to be able to just follow the directions we give without asking questions or making comments first. So, we practice this skill in order to help him do this more easily and naturally. But it is still very difficult for him, and sometimes comes with tears of frustration.
That’s what happened here. Three or four times I told him, “No son, no questions right now. Complete the first step then we will talk.” And each time, he grew more and more frustrated. He just couldn’t see why I wouldn’t let him ask his question, and I knew that if he just listened and followed my directions then his question would be answered immediately! After about 3 minutes or back and forth, with tears starting to pour out, I had to send him to another room to cool off and work through some emotions. Now I was frustrated and sad because I could see what he needed to do, but he refused to do it.
After about 5 minutes of me working with the other kids while he calmed down, he slowly crept back into the living room with us. “Can you please do what I asked and read that first sentence buddy?” I waited a couple seconds to see what his reaction would be, watching his face as he processed what I asked, and could see when he resigned to just doing what I asked and giving up his question. He read the sentence, finally completing that first step that I said would make things clearer. And as he finished reading I could see the lightbulb go on and everything start clicking for him. When he was done, I asked if he had a question anymore and he happily affirmed that his question was answered and quickly finished his worksheet.
I didn’t think any more of this interaction once it was over. We finished school and our day and I struggled through. Its been a rough season the past 3 weeks especially dealing with some sickness, and my poor body has been through a lot. As a result, my capacity for all the normal noises and sights of life with 4 littles…well its very low. I have to be very intentional to take time outs for myself to try to prevent complete overwhelm and I have to apologize A LOT when I am not able to successfully do that. Some days, I count down the time until Joe gets home or eagerly anticipate whatever activity they have that afternoon because I know I can use that time to rest and reset myself mentally and physically.
That afternoon, they were supposed to all go to an activity together and I got all but the oldest out the door. She wasn’t feeling great, and I knew we could both rest and she wouldn’t ask a million and two questions like my littles do. I was working on supper and just starting to decompress when here they come back into the house. Joe had warned me before they left that no one else may show and they would just come back if that was the case. I knew this, but I wasn’t prepared for it. When they came back in, its like my body suddenly wound even tighter than it was before they left and it cut off literally every bit of fuse I had. Joe saw I was struggling and asked what he could do to help with supper and I knew immediately what I needed to do. “I am good to finish supper, but once I’m done I have to go drive and get out.” It wasn’t that I just couldn’t wait to get away from them and hated family time, more that I was trying to protect them and myself by stepping away.
I got everyone fed and situated and headed to Zachary. After a treat and some quiet, unrushed shopping I was feeling much more regulated and controlled again. Then on my way home, I could feel God pressing in now that I was ready to hear and understand Him. I started praying and pouring out my heart to Him as I have done so often here lately. Thanking Him for how far things have come, but also expressing my continued pain and hurt and confusion. And as I transitioned from pouring myself out into a time of reflection and listening, suddenly He brought back that memory of the interaction between my son and I. He made it clear that just like I knew that my son had to listen to my command in order to have his question answered, I have to trust God and be obedient in the same way.
We often do the same thing our children do. God, our Father, tells us our next steps and we decide that in order to follow that direction then we have to have all our questions answered so that we aren’t left with any doubt in our minds. Then, and only then, do we want to obey. But just as with my son and I, that often just leads to pain and tears and frustration. Sometimes, we may even blame God for “not wanting to listen to us” or say that He “won’t answer our questions anymore.” But maybe in those times, He is just waiting for us to listen to His original instructions and follow them. Maybe it is our turn to be obedient in our faith, trusting that God knows what we need to do much more than we will ever be able to figure out on our own.
What is God asking you to do this week? What directions are you being told to follow? I pray that as you go about your busy lives, you make time for prayer and bible study. And on the days where that seems impossible with the busyness of kids all around you, ask God to open your eyes to all the ways He shows up as you and your family go about your day. Because He is there, always, we just have to keep our focus on Him and not the craziness of the world around us.
You are eternally loved sweet mommas!
